Realization.

I learned some more stuff about myself yesterday and maybe it was stuff that I somewhat knew, but yesterday really reassured some things for me. Lately I have felt like not many people care, not many people make the effort, in fact a lot of people won't even make HALF the effort I do. People forget things, forget about me, blow me off, or lie to me. It sucks because so many people want to find people who are "real", good friends, trustworthy, etc. but when it comes to themself they don't even have thosse traits. So why in the world do they want someone like that when they aren't even that type of person? People always say "you can trust me", but NO I can't. LOTS of people and I mean a vast majority of people are just big talkers. They say their trustworthy and a good friend or boyfriend/girlfriend, but in actuality they aren't. I KNOW for a fact that I can trust myself and anyone can trust me. I know for sure that my word is good and it sucks because almost everyone I have met in my life except for my sister has gone back on their words or broken their promises or lied to me in a bad way. What is it with me being so different than everyone else? Why do I care so much to treat people right and stay true to them? I have no idea. It makes me mad though because I feel like I will NEVER EVER EVER get that same treatment in return. People constantly fail me and trust me I'll remember it.
I hate that I know I'll put all my effort into a friendship or relationship or anything I care about in my life, but I can't get that same respect in return. Even if the person says they will or makes promises, I can guarantee they don't have as much value as my word does.
I've even had someone tell me "Oh, well I lied" when I confronted this person about things they promised in the past. You can't just say "I lied" as an excuse. Who the hell do you think you are?
I've also heard from a few people "Oh, I won't hurt you". BLAH BLAH BLAH. You lied again.
And then others want me to make promises and hold true to my word so badly and I do, but then they go and act like I never existed. Thanks for giving me the same respect. I really appreciate the double standards.

I very rarerly if ever go back on my word. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it especially if it's for another person. I feel like no one realizes that. Why should I give a damn about other people when they don't give a damn about me? I'm always thinking of others. I'm always missing time I had once spent with people. I'm always wishing I could see certain people. I'm always thinking of how I can make other people happy because I just love the feeling of knowing I made someone smile or brighten their day.

I don't do this type of stuff in order to get things in return. I have never been like that, but it would be nice to know that some people care some for me like I do for them. And it's like if these people were to do the stuff I do for them or were to tell me how they thought of me or something, I would be so thankful and appreciative.

My personality is so different compared to all these people. I have a lot going on in my life too. I deal with it. I have a lot of things to do and dates to remember and stresses in my life. Yet, I can still remember others. Not many people seem to do that. Their minds are all over the place. After talking with someone yesterday who is on the very same page as me, I've realized that I'm just a rare kind and it's hard to understand why.

I'm just going to say that people can only take so much, myself included. If one day I'm cold and don't care anymore, then that is because I've been pushed so far. I'm tired of being let down. Honestly, it'll be your loss.

At the end of the day, I know I did what was right.