Wednesday, June 20, 2012

why do i care so much?

I go through random moments where I question myself. I think, "why in the world do I care so much about others when I also have such a negative view on humanity in general?" One big reason I truly love animals over anything in this world is because humans are very messed up in my opinion. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions and says, "Well that's stupid, because you're a human!", get this... I know that I am human and like everyone else; I make mistakes. I don't believe that every human is inadvertently evil and hateful, but the majority of humans are. I have seen and felt it myself. I've seen people be so hurtful to others that it's unbelievable. It's as if people get enjoyment out of pushing others so far down. Even I, the person who basically is a pessimist about society and dislikes a majority of humans, have one of the kindest hearts to pretty much ANYONE I come in contact with. 

So I get confused as to why I'm like this. Why do I even care to be so friendly, helpful, and even give people the benefit of the doubt when I know most likely that person wouldn't do half the stuff I'd do for them? I think one way I've answered that question is by realizing that I still have a very small, yet strong bit of hope left in me. (I know that sounded like a contradiction!) I think maybe, just maybe my selflessness, kindness, and caring attitude will be contagious. Maybe that one person who I helped out or smiled at or complimented or went out of my way for will be inspired to do the same for someone else. Maybe some bit of frustration, hatred, and rudeness will dissipate because I did something they did not expect just out of the kindness of my heart. I really don't expect to be honored or gratified, although a simple "thank you" would be nice at times. Believe it or not, the amount of people (including "grown men") can't even say "thanks" while I'm waiting a long time to hold the door for them. 

This is exactly why I am OVERLY appreciative and surprised when people do nice things especially strangers. It's sad that it's a surprise when people do good things. It shouldn't be, yet so many people in this world are selfish. I am constantly thinking of others who I've never even met. And no, it's not me just laying in bed at night saying, "Oh I feel bad for the children in Africa, I pray they will be okay." I'm always thinking about what I can I do for this particular group or for this person or I imagine how happy someone would be for doing an act of kindness. Just thinking about that and their appreciation makes me happy.

And although animals can't actually say "thank you", I can tell that they appreciate the attention, care, and love they get from me. Some people will never, ever understand that and that's too bad for you. However, I have and always will feel this connection and appreciation from them. So this is why I like them so much more than humans. Humans, on the other hand, are a whole other story when it comes to appreciation or kindness.

And you know what, it's so hard to be an overly caring person in such a society that has so many hateful and cruel people. It's not that it's difficult to possess those traits (I don't think it's hard to be a genuinely good person), but I think it's hard on people who are overly caring when they realize how many times humanity lets them down. It almost gets to the point of saying "why should I care anymore?" It takes so much strength to realize you can't expect everyone to be like you and that even though you remember someone's birthday or you go out of your way to help someone out, that the chances of them appreciating you like you would appreciate them are very slim. 

It's a sad reality I come across way too many times, but for now I'll continue to be how I am because that's exactly how I think I should be.

Friday, June 8, 2012

old poetry.

So I came across some old poetry I wrote a few years ago, that I actually like. It's odd to think that I wrote something that I actually like from so long ago, because usually I look back at things and I'm like "what was I thinking?" So thought I'd share a few!

Ignorance in You
In the darkness lurks ignorance
Hidden in the silence of the soul
Eyes shut and closed minds
With no care to surroundings
Truth is pushed to the side
All that is noticed now are lies
What they see is what they believe
Without really looking into things
Walls are put up for protection
Protection of something harmless
When acceptance diminishes, 
What will be left but your ignorance?

Unknown Feelings
Dear beautiful one, don't start to cry
Please don't flood your beautiful eyes
Wipe away your saddened tears
And let your gorgeous smile appear
Your heart is fragile, I can tell
Inside you feel like your in hell
From this world, you want to hide
Deep down you have no spec of pride
How is it I know what you feel?
These words may seem so unreal
I know because I feel too
These feelings no one ever knew

Summer Memories
Waking up in the exhilarating sunlight
Smiles that could make the corrupt world so right
The crisp calm air after a breathtaking sunrise
Converting to temperatures of sweat and blue skies
Laughing hysterically with the best of friends
Wishing that the summer season would never end
Night appears, nature is tranquil again
Time to reminisce on way back when
The dreams, the adventures, the pleasure
In the end just left with memories of leisure
It is impossible to disregard these recollections
Because they are the days that taught us true affection

**All 3 poems are originally written by me.** LK

So, tell me what you think! :)