Saturday, July 14, 2012

It's not me; it's you.

I go through these stages where I think, "Is it me? Is there something I'm doing wrong? What's wrong with me? Am I not worthy enough?". And honestly, those thoughts are kind of painful. I'm starting to come to the realization though, that it's not me. I'm not saying that everything I do is perfect and that nothing about me needs to change, but I do not think I am really and truly the problem. 
It's just extremely difficult to grasp why people find it okay to be hurtful to others especially when those others are good people. How do you find that acceptable? How do you live with yourself knowing thinking that is okay? 
I've always been a giving person. It's who I am. It's in my blood. It's one of the traits I really like about myself because it truly shows how selfless I typically am. I guess people take advantage of that. I guess people think it's okay to walk over the "nice guy". When I would talk to others about being giving and people not appreciating it as much as they should, they would wonder why I am this way. They'd be like "Why don't you ask him to pay you back?" or "You should confront her about it". 
My response to all that is, if you can truly live with yourself knowing that you treat genuinely kind people in this manner, then that just shows how you are as a person. I'll have my pride and dignity knowing that I was the true person who loved unconditionally and who really meant what I said. While you on the other hand have some MUCH larger issues to deal with.

So instead of me thinking of all the things that could be wrong with me in order for people to be so inconsiderate to me, I have finally noticed that the problem might just be within those certain people. 

I just have to let go because obviously you did a long time ago.