Tuesday, May 3, 2011

the future is scary

It's been a really long time since I've written in an actual blog. I typically write in a journal over Summer Break (it's been like a tradition for my sister & I for about 7 years now), but my Summer journal is more personal. I decided to create a blog to get out my thoughts that I wouldn't mind sharing with others, but only if they were interested in hearing/reading my thoughts. I hope that makes some sense.

Anyway, I am at a very weird stage in my life. For the first time in my life I feel very uncertain about the future and it scares me. I used to feel so sure and be so ready for the future. I wanted time to go faster so my life could settle down and so I could feel as if I had more control over my own life. Now, I am somewhat running from it. I'm running from time as it continues to carry on. I am afraid of what it holds and the unknowns of the future.
I am about to finish my junior year of college which means I graduate in one year. I have been so excited about this for quite a while, but recently I got really freaked out by the idea. I don't know if I want to turn 22 this year. I don't want to go out on my own in life yet. I know I don't have to right away, but it's getting really overwhelming to think that I am almost at that point in my life.
If I were to go back to when I was 16 and tell myself that at the age of 21 I would be wishing to be 16 again, I probably wouldn't have believed it. I find it hard to believe right now actually. Life has gotten increasingly complicated the past few years. 

I love rollercoaster rides, but I don't think I like for my life to be a rollercoaster ride. 
Taking it day by day...