Thursday, December 29, 2011

I'm So Proud of You.

"I know things get hard, but girl you got  it, girl you got it, there you go."

So in case you didn't know, I got the title to this entry and above quote from Drake's song "Make Me Proud" from his "Take Care" album. It's catchy and I feel like some random lines can apply to me personally. I just want to sum up my feelings about 2011 since it's almost over. It's literally been a difficult year. Most people wouldn't have even known anything was wrong with me because I was able to phase it off for the most part. I tried to laugh and smile and keep with the normal routine of life because "life goes on" as they say.
I'm proud of myself especially after this year. I don't know if anyone else can notice what I've noticed because they are not inside my head, but I've gotten through this year to my surprise.
I'm not even kidding when I say that I look back at this year and think about how I even made it through some of the stuff. I know I've mentioned this in a few blogs before, but I'm still in shock. I sometimes think about it in depth and I just don't even know how I managed to cope with pain and still continue on.
I didn't do it all on my own, but I did find so much strength in myself this year. So many times I've had to give myself "motivational speeches" in my head and push myself through the day. So many times I cried and then picked myself back up from those low points. So many times I went running on campus just so the emotional pain would go away as I got my mind off the situation. So many times I just wanted to break down and give up.
I do want to thank the people who were there for me this year when I needed someone to talk to, some advice, laughter, good times, support, or a shoulder to cry on. Your kind words and care have meant so much to me and it makes me tear up writing this because I'm not sure how I would have been okay in certain situations if I wasn't around those certain people or able to contact certain people right at a particular moment.
Thank you Ashley & Aryon (if you read this!) for being by my side especially at Starbucks that day. I really don't know how I could have handled that situation and pain without you both being so caring. It was so great to have the fun and happiness of hanging out with both of you as a distraction, so that I wouldn't be alone dealing with all the pain. Thank you to my sister, Leila, for answering the phone when I called you crying and hurting so badly. I'm so grateful that I had you to help me get through some of the drama. I know you were really worried about me and it means a lot that you cared that much. Thanks to my mom for being there when I called you (crying as well) and needing someone to talk to. I'm so thankful you were there to listen and make sure I was okay.
And an extremely HUGE thank you to someone who probably will never read this, but who has made the biggest impact on me while at UWG. Although she wasn't around when all the actual drama was occuring, she played a big part of me realizing so much about myself and helping me gain more strength.

I've really learned so much about myself throughout the year as well. I've grown in certain ways. I've learned that I can ALWAYS depend on myself and a lot of people don't even deserve my time or attention. I've learned I'm really much more different than most people than I even thought I was. I'm not like everyone else and I like that about myself. It can be difficult at certain times in life, but I know in the end it'll be worth it to stay true to myself. This stress and bad occurance has made me more able to handle stressful situations. I used to get so worried about small things in life. I wouldn't know what to do in situations that didn't go as planned or my way. Now, I am so much better at handling those stressful situations. I work through them and realize it's not worth the stress because I already made it through some difficult stuff. This has also surprised me about myself. Instead of dwelling on issues, I try to solve them or think about the positive.

I know I still have a lot to figure out and growing to do, but I'm still proud of myself for making it through some of the hardest timesI've faced.
I know things will continue to be a struggle, but I'm more confident now that I can get through.

I might go through a lot of stress, but I'm going to come out of it shining...Pressure Makes Diamonds.

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