working with the negatives could make for better pictures.

I've noticed that over the past year I've really become a more proactive and positive person...much more than I was before. There are those days that I complain and feel so frustrated. There are those days I want to just cry because I feel so let down and confused. However, overall I've learned to have a more positive attitude and to be a more proactive person. Today I thought about how maybe it's because I lost a big, important part of my life and so the small negatives in life seem so miniscule compared to that loss. I think about how if I wasn't missing that part of my life and gained it back after knowing what I know now, then things would be SUPER! I would handle things in such a different way. I wouldn't blow up about the stupidest things. I would look for the brighter side in situations and try to find solutions instead of just getting overly emotional. I wouldn't take that "complete" feeling for granted at all...I would cherish it. Well sadly I can't take back time, so I guess it's good that I've decided to look forward.

I seriously used to get upset over small stuff and let it bother me for so long, but I've learned to let go. Some things just really aren't that serious and it doesn't do any good to over stress something to the point that it ruins you. I've learned to manage my stress, anger, and saddness much better than I ever have before. I feel like now, I am better prepared for unfortunate situations. Even things like car issues would make me stress like crazy. Now, I just look at the situation, be thankful it's not worse, and try to think of a solution. It might still bother me and bring me down somedays, but I am so much better at managing the stress now. As crazy as it may sound, I constantly tell myself quotes in my head or give myself "motivational speeches" to push myself forward. I even have about 20 quotes on little post-it notes taped to my apartment wall that I add to anytime I hear/find another positive quote.
Lately I've been telling myself, "You are as acceptable and lovable as a newborn child. This is a birthright awarded by the act of creation."

I even try not to be around negative people and if I am, then I try not to let their negativity influence me. I try to stay productive and proactive instead of reactive. I've learned to have more control.
It surprises me because I was SO SO SO SO negative and hopeless at the beginning of all this drama (and I'm not saying I see a perfect life in the future), that I was afraid I'd never be okay. I guess I've just learned to process and cope with my feelings and situations that aren't so pleasant.

I really don't know where my life will go or what will happen in the future. I don't know what exact job I'll have, where I'll live, who I'll be with, or if I'll even get married or have kids, or if I even want to do all that to be honest. It worries me sometimes because I don't know what's to come, but then I just think that I need to focus on doing the best I can to get to where ever or whatever will give me complete happiness. I do know that I'm content with who I am and where I'm headed because I know that my determination will get me to a good spot especially with an optimistic attitude.