Doubt.

It's really difficult to constantly tell myself on a daily basis "you're okay", "it'll be okay", "just stay strong", "stop thinking about it". The struggle I go through in my mind is so draining. The hardest part of trying to console myself in my own mind is that bit of doubt that creeps in. Well let me be honest, it's not a bit, it's a LOT of doubt. I feel like I'm just telling myself that "everything will be okay" because I just want to cope. I'm afraid for one year from now or 10 years from now. I used to have an idea of most of where my life was going and now I can only partially see that. That really scares me. Sometimes this doubt tells me that I'm just going to have to accept this fate that I don't particularly deserve. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't deserve that fate that I'm so afraid of, but I'm not necessarily in control of what is to come.
Some days it's so hard to be strong, especially lately and I don't know why.


Sometimes I wish I could go back to being 5 years old and cry over stupid stuff and play with my dolls again.
Life was so simple. What's happened?