Last night as I laid in my dorm room bed listening to the thunder and watching as the lightening flashed outside, I started to deeply think. I thought about how much I love to give and how I have so much to give. Obviously I don't want to give so much to just anyone, but to the person/people/things I truly love and care about. I still even give a lot and have so much to give to those I'm not that close with. Then it made me realize maybe this is part of the reason I want to teach and why I love volunteering so much. Neither teaching or volunteering comes with much material reward, but I get so much out of giving to and helping others. If I care so much about others I'm barely close to, imagine how much I am willing to give to people I am really close to.
I miss taking care of someone special. I miss being the one to "save the day" or make that someone's day better. I don't just mean anyone, but someone I truly love. I love the idea that I helped that someone or that I made that someone feel better. It is so simple, yet it is so gratifying to me.
Most people are in relationships and see it more in a selfish way. "What can he/she offer me?", "What will he/she do for me?", etc. Although it is important to include your own needs in a relationship, I see it the opposite way. I care about my happiness, but for me I got happiness out of knowing he was happy because of me. In all honesty I was thinking, "What can I do to make him happy?", "What can I do to surprise him?". At the end of the day, I would be so happy knowing I was the one to make him smile or make him happy. I can't even describe how rewarding that is for me.
I looked forward to the future so much, even as a child. I knew that whoever I married, I would love with all my heart. Therefore, I would give all of me and put so much effort into the relationship because it means so much to me. I knew that when he was sick, I would be there to make him soup or tea. If he needed to cry, I would be there to hug him and comfort him. If he had a long day at work, I'd be there to cook him dinner and give him a massage. I just knew I wanted to make him proud and happy. As cliche as that sounds, I swear it's true. I don't mind going out of the way for someone I love so dearly.
It's crazy how much I miss being the giver to someone I love. Though there are many people who would be willing to take all my efforts as a giver, I don't want to give to just anyone. I need to be appreciated and my efforts shouldn't be taken for granted. I really don't ask for much (especially material wise); I just want appreciation and time.
Was/Is that too much to ask for?
"You'll fall, yes you will hit a wall. But get back on your feet & you'll be stronger & smarter. And I know, 'cuz I've been there before. Knocking on your door with rejection (rejection). And you'll see 'cuz if it's meant to be...Nothing can compare to deserving your dreams. It's amazing, it's amazing...All that you can do."
-It's Amazing (Jem)
3 comments:
I think you and I are a lot alike just from reading this post. I love helping others, especially if someone is down and needs some words of wisdom or inspiration. Sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to come by, i.e. true love. It definitely doesn't seem like too much to ask for but can seem to take forever to find. Just remember it's all worth it in the end!
Thank you so much for your kind comment and for taking the time to read my blog. It means a lot. I followed you because I also related to some of your past posts and I enjoy your style of writing. Plus, it's nice to follow people that have happiness in their life. It gives me hope (especially with the love situation). :)
Congrats on the marriage & the baby! And again thank you!
you seem like a nice person.m:)
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