I find it odd that sometimes it's easier to talk to people you hardly know about personal stuff compared to people you're close with. I suppose that's because you don't want them judge you or have a bias, but it's still very odd. A few friends and family have been there fore me, but there's someone who I've met recently (this past Summer) that has been a big help for me through some tough issues. It's really a compliment when someone older than me can say they have a lot of admiration for me especially for me being the way I am at the young age of 21. I'm glad someone out there realizes my maturity and the goodness in my personality. I find it somewhat sad that the person who realizes this is someone I've met recently, but it's also good because it makes me see that there are other people that are similar to me. Even if it's only 2.1% of the U.S. population. I don't think people realize how difficult it is to be the minority when it comes to personality types. Everyone is so much alike and it's so easy for them to get along with others, but then there's the 2.1% that see and think things differently. If you could just be in my place, have my experiences, and know my everyday thoughts, then you would see how complicated things are.
That leads me to thinking...
I just can't believe how strong I am. Stronger than I ever realized I could be. When I look back at some events in my life, I honestly have no idea how I kept it moving. I don't know how I didn't stop doing what I needed to do in order to do well in school, work, and everything else on my plate. I don't know how I was able to still be an overload student and get a 4.0 GPA. I don't know how I was still able to give so much of myself, time, and effort when I felt like I was losing a grip of my own self. I don't know how I was able to still smile, laugh, and keep positive around other people to the point that they would never have even guessed what was going on with me. I don't know how I didn't just give up on all my efforts and duties. I'm not the one to make excuses, so I just continued on and did all that I could to keep pushing forward. I don't know what came over me or who I was during those points in my life, but it was almost superhuman. I still am struggling, but luckily I am making through. Some days are tougher than others, but that's just how it is I suppose.
That's why I know I'm really strong. I may have a lot of emotions, and that's okay. I'm human. But, I had to face my feelings and hurt. I didn't just runaway like some people do. I'm here on the other end having to deal with these internal issues on my own on a daily basis. While others can just back out, runaway, do them, and move on in life like nothing happened.
You may appear to be strong when you do stuff like that, when you don't show emotion and face your issues, but you're not. In some cases it's actually pretty cowardly.
So, for all the times I was called "weak" for crying or being upset about something, at least I was strong enough to deal with those issues ON MY OWN pretty much.
This post was somewhat random, but I have about 1.2 million thoughts running through my mind that I'm just trying to make sense of...
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