Time.

I just wrote yesterday, but I feel the need to post again because a lot of thoughts are on my mind again. Plus, the song I'm going to post just came on shuffle on my Ipod. It's an amazing, true, and emotional song if you listen to the lyrics.

Time is precious because you only have so much of it and you can't take it back unfortunately. So, use it wisely.

Time: Ne-Yo

How come you don't make time for me anymore?
That's the last thing she said to you
And now when you call she don't answer anymore
Or the line is busy and you can't get through

In the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
In the time it would take to dial the phone
In the time it will take you to realize her greatness, she'll be gone,

she's moved on

To someone who takes the time
Her love wasn't a priority to you
You had other things on your mind

And now that it's much to little and so far too late
The busy signals all that's left behind
You're all alone
In the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
In the time it would take to dial the phone
In the time it will take you to realize her greatness, she'll be gone, she's moved on
To someone who takes the time

Hey, no one knows what they have until they don't
And by then it doesn't matter anymore.

You're all alone.

In the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
In the time it would take to dial the phone
And the time it would take you to realize her greatness, she'll be gone (she'll be gone)
In the time it will take you to realize her greatness, she'll be gone, she's moved on
Hang up the phone...



Attached & Indecisive...

I've known that I don't take big changes very easily unless I'm really comfortable and have control in those changes. I also have known that I'm very indecisive when it comes to a lot of decisions I have to make (big or small). It's not that I like someone making decisions for me, because I don't, like I said I like to be in control of what goes on in my life. However, I spend SO much time outweighing pros & cons for almost EVERYTHING that it gets time consuming. It really is exhausting to constantly have your mind process every decision. I feel like it's similar to that movie with Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston, Along Came Polly. Ben is someone who like sees the risks in doing certain things in life with some computer program. My mind is just like that. I try to see what the outcome will be of a certain option in my life. I mean for crying out loud, I literally take 5 minutes to decide what I want from a vending machine or at an ice cream shop.
"Should I try something new?...But what if I don't like something new?...Well you always get that one, so try something different?...Should I even be getting this?...Yes, because you haven't had any in a long time so it's okay...Yea, but you're trying to save money & it's not healthy..." and so on. It's just like the little angel and devil in my head except I don't know which one is right because it's not like my choices are good vs. bad.
So now imagine, if making decisions that deal with choosing ice cream flavors is difficult for me, then think of how hard it is for me to make up my mind for what I want to do in life. BIG HEADACHE
I know I want to be successful and as a matter of fact I know I will be no matter what because I never settle for less when it comes to what I can do. It's just what to do right after college. I honestly don't feel I'm ready to graduate in April 2012. That's so scary! I don't know if I'm ready to just graduate in the spring, have summer to prepare, and then start teaching in the fall. I feel as if I need more time to get everything together and compose myself. School has caused so much burnout and wear on me that I kind of just want a small break. Then, on the other hand I REALLY don't want to leave West GA. This is where the "attached" part comes in. I'm tired of doing school work and being really stressed, but I'm going to miss UWG so much if I leave in April. To be honest I just want to stay and I find it soooooo strange. I remember I wanted to just graduate so quickly just so I could be back in my hometown with all the people I knew & loved there, but once some big changes happened this year, my thoughts have somewhat reveresed. I know I'm going to miss the smallest things that people don't realize and take for granted. It might sound stupid to some people, but I get attached really easily to things that seem so miniscule or unimportant. I'm going to miss going to that gym and taking those zumba classes. I'm going to miss going to that animal shelter because they know me so well. I'm going to miss walking on UWG's campus. I'm going to miss UWG buildings. I'm going to miss the schools and teachers that I met while student teaching. I'm going to miss the few friends I've made. I'm going to miss doing Love Not Litter. I'm going to miss the one person who truly helped me see the greatness in myself and who probably had the greatest impact on me while in college. I'm going to miss the events. I'm going to miss the some of the routines I had while at UWG. I'm going to miss the drive to UWG, even though it seems like a hassle now. I even passed some of my old residence halls on campus the other night & I just thought about how much I missed living in those places because it was somewhat of a comfort to me. I know that probably sounds so weird, but I'm just attached.
So now I'm stuck deciding when I want to start teaching, what I want to get my Masters degree in, when I want to get my Masters, where I want to get my Masters, where do I want to live in the future, if I should stay at UWG to get my Masters, and more.

I guess it's good that I worry over this because it means I care and it means I want to do the best I can in life. However, it's so stressful and I feel that not too many people understand it. Especially people who aren't like me or who are much older than me. It's not as easy as just making a decision and doing it. There's a lot of things that have to be looked through and thought over.
Time is going way too fast and I just need more time to think things over. So, over winter break I have some SERIOUS contemplating to do on my options.