it's not right, but it's okay.

I really should be studying for my Math GACE that I have to take in 2 weeks, but I got stuck on teaching myself how to find the antiderivative for a function, so here I am. 

I was just thinking back on things that have occurred in my life and how they made me feel. And I'm finally at the point where I can say "I don't care anymore" and that's the weirdest thing because even when people told me I'd get to this point, I was SO persistent on them being wrong. BUT I was actually wrong, because here I am and I'm definitely okay! Now in no way do I forget what happened or how I felt and I can't say "oh yea I'm perfectly fine with everything" because that's not true. I can never erase any pain I have felt in the past or how that has affected my thinking now. However, I can look back and just be okay. Just like Whitney Houston's song "It's not right, but it's okay...I'm gonna make it anyway". All that happened wasn't right, it never will be and yea that sucks, but it's okay and I am making it. AND I will continue to make it through anything else. 
My attitude has really just changed to a whole "I really don't care anymore" type, surprisingly! I'm done with all that crap honestly. I'm done with caring (in this sense). Deep inside, I know I'm good with me and that's a lot better than what most people can say.
It's just such a heavy burden off my shoulders to just not care anymore, to not let those feelings or thoughts hurt me or have a hold on me anymore. 

I never, ever, ever thought I'd get to this point. Even if I talked/thought about this point in the past, it was just a way for me to try and be hopeful so that I would make it through, but...

Here I am. And here I'll stay. 
:)