scrambled thoughts.

Scrambled thoughts seem to be a common issue for me. There's so much I have in my mind, so much I wish I could say, so much I wish I could understand and make others understand, and so on. I honestly don't know if much of this post will make sense to anyone because yet again it's just about my scrambled thoughts. I just feel like I need to let them out. So here are my thoughts that are consuming me at the moment...

-I surprise myself with this hypocritical feeling, but I generally do not like humans/people, but I'm too good and too nice to people (even people I'm hardly close to). Why?! Some people might call that fake, but it's not. I am genuinely a kind & caring person, but I think even though I don't like most people, I still feel like if I have a good heart towards them, then it'll be contagious. Like somehow those people will see my goodness and be inspired by it or appreciate it. I've come to realize it doesn't work that way. I need to expect less or nothing from people whether they are close to me or not. It's that sad truth  Unfortunately not many people truly know how I am and what I can be except for my sister. People will say I'm nice, but they don't know the extent and/or don't care. 

I know this is weird, but even if you're confident in yourself and about who you are as a person, it starts to make you wonder "what's wrong with me?" when other people don't acknowledge you/your efforts. :/

-Life is just confusing. I feel like we just chase our so called "dreams" if we even know what they are or if those are even realistic dreams. Sometimes the purpose is difficult to find when you are looking through a muddy lens. I try to not see things in that way because I am a positive person, but sometimes things just don't make sense.

-I am tired of this damn empty and incomplete feeling that goes away for some bit, but consumes me for a few hours here and there. I try so hard to fight it back, but it's just difficult in some situations. I get to thinking and I get this empty feeling. I'm okay, I just wish I could avoid that feeling all the time.

-I HATE feeling stuck and that's exactly what I feel now. 

-I would like to have new friends in the Gwinnett area since I won't be out in Carrollton at college anymore. I don't know how I'm going to survive in this house without my sister when she goes back to college in August. Then again, I don't think I'm the greatest at making new friends even though I think I'm a great & loyal friend...

-Money causes me stress. To be honest, right now money could by me happiness because I wouldn't feel stuck in a lot of the situations I'm facing.

-I need to read The 50th Law some more. It's really motivating and straight forward. However, I just have to put it into affect which is the challenging part. 

That's it for now.