I definitely try not to hold on to the negative past events, but I realized that exactly 2 years ago today my heart was shattered, my mind was lost, I was so low that I didn't know how I was ever going to make it through nor did I really want to. Now fast forward to the events that occurred today... I started a HUGE new chapter in my life. I am officially an 8th grade math teacher with my very own classroom! So ironic right? It's still so very surprising to me that I have handled things with so much strength. I don't feel that extreme pain when I think back, I don't dwell on those dates anymore, I don't linger on those thoughts/feelings. Like I've said before, it will NEVER be okay and it'll always have some affect on my mindset. That's just how things work. However, that event did not break me as a person. It almost did, but I made it through. And now look; I'm on to bigger and better things. I worked hard and put forth a lot of dedication to get to where I am now. And I'm definitely not stopping anytime soon if ever! I've begun to realize that my hunger for more is almost scary at times, but it keeps me moving forward.
Ever since last year I wanted to work on being a more fearless person. It takes a lot of convincing and believing in yourself, but I think I've gotten rid of the fear that held me back before. Yes, I get nervous about things. I still experience serious anxiety moments at times. However, it's not fear. I took the step by getting certified to teach math. I was stressing big time about failing the test, but I passed. I even questioned if was even worth taking the test. Obviously it was worth it because I landed a job about 2 months later. Then I got to interviews, which I was happy to even get a chance. Then the email saying I got the job. I was in such shock. I took risks & am making changes. I accepted a position working with 8th graders without any middle school teaching experience, as a first year teacher, AND mid-year (let's not forget that Spring semester is the standardized testing season!). I was thinking, "Wow, I am crazy! Given all these challenges, I'm still up for it & ready to take it head on!" Yes, it's overwhelming. Yes, it's going to be stressful at first. Yes, I'm going to have my work cut out for me. Yes, I'm going to be a zombie some days. Yes, I'll probably feel confused or frustrated occasionally. However, instead of being afraid I thought, "Well, if THEY knew that I never even did student teaching in middle school, am a first year teacher, and that it's the middle of the year, AND they STILL want to hire me, then they must have a lot of faith in me to do well. Therefore, I should have faith in myself because I know my work ethic and determination." So, it's risky, but you can't go your whole life being afraid. Some risks you have to take as a challenge.
If you know me well, you know I absolutely love horoscopes and I think generally they hold true. Well around New Years I read my year overview horoscope (Scorpio--http://shine.yahoo.com/horoscope/scorpio/overview-yearly-2013.html) and it mentioned how this was a time of death & rebirth for Scorpio. Basically getting rid of certain aspects of me or my life & then experiencing transformation. It seems like a lot of aspects are starting to change in my life (in a positive way). This career is a big one like I said before, but I feel it's just the beginning. It's going to snowball into more positive and big changes. I like where this is going so far...
Pressure makes Diamonds. (I still live by that and always will)
*P.S. I might include teacher updates while still keeping with the normal flow of my blog, just for family or friends who might be interested AND of course for me to look back at in the future. So, my teaching update for today goes as follows (might be kind of random updates): I didn't officially start teaching today. My official start date is January 22nd. Today I met the teacher that is leaving, met my students, met a bunch of staff, obtained a BOAT load of information (about grading, behavior, meetings, policies, teaching tips, who to go to for what, schedules, & so much more), & got acquainted with my classroom! :D I can't wait to spruce it up & add my own touch. The kids REALLY loved the present teacher, some were even crying to find out that he was leaving. So, it looks like I have big shoes to fill. It's all VERY overwhelming. I have a lot to soak in, but once I get in the routine of how things work I think it should smooth out. All the staff that I met seemed so supportive and offered to help me and guide me. I will be working 8:15-4:30. Oh and I really realized how tiny I am today. Not kidding 90% of them are taller than me. While walking in the hallway during transitions I kind of blend it with the crowd (haha), could be good & bad! I hope they'll like me and that I help them succeed because I am definitely going to dedicate a majority of my time & thoughts to this career/my students. Stay tuned for more! :)
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